The Great Lies of Fandom

by John W. Herbert

#1: The zine is in the mail.
#2: I’m going to concentrate on my writing.
#3: Sure, I’ll volunteer for the convention.
#4: You really deserved to win.
#5: Gee, Frank, it looks almost natural.
#6: I’m a Trekker, not a Trekkie!
#7: Not only will we break even, but, heck, I think we might even turn a small profit.
#8: This is a genuine signed, first edition.
#9: You know, in most sf clubs the ratio of women to men is three to one.
#10: What a lousy con! I’m not coming back next year!
#11: The next issue will be on time. I promise.
#12: That was the best con ever! I’m going back next year!
#13: And we guarantee your room at Norwescon will be in the quiet wing.
#14: No, really. The spandex gives your costume a slimming effect.
#15: I made it myself.
#16: The new Star Trek series is the best yet.
#17: You know, my first costume looked just like that.
#18: I was an extra on The X-Files.
#19: You’re the first.
#20: This club would be so much better if I was in charge.
#21: Don’t worry. The hotel will be glad to have us back next year.
#22: The Last Dangerous Visions will be out next year.
#23: When I get more free time, I’ll get all caught up on my fanac. (thanks to Harry Andruschak for this one)
#24: Let me borrow your Red Dwarf tapes. Nothing will happen to them.